Missing A Brother
by Rhett9
Summary: No one could see he was suffering.


**No POV**

James Diamond was sitting alone in his room. His mom was on a date leaving him home alone with his thoughts, ones that only people with the heaviest hearts have.

And no one here to stop him from what he is going to do. A deadly mix.

"I can't believe it has come to this." James sighed as he took at the gun in his hand, "But this is my only option now. Everyone wants so much from me. I want to be a singer they expect me to be, and take over the family business…But I just can't. Not anymore."

I love my friends, don't get me wrong, they are my brothers but they always expect me to catch them when they fall. And while I love to help them, I just wish once someone would care enough to catch me. To see through the act.

Sure I can about my looks but I am more than just a pretty face. I have feelings, hobbies, Fears….I'm human. But they can't seem to see that. Oh how I wished someone could see it…..

I love to read and write short stories, but people never seemed look past my looks to dig deeper and try to find the real me. The one I never let anyone see.

I try my hardest to make everyone else happy, even as I slowly break on the inside. But they never see this either. They only see happy James, who has not a care in the world.

I was so good at keeping up this appearance, my mask has them all fooled.

I have been terrified to show the real me for years.

Being the good actor I was, I gave them the James they wanted…The fake, happy one. It was all one tiring, fake act.

And when I ever thought of letting the act go,

"What if they hate the real me?" would go through my mind. And every day I live and have lived with that fear. Never telling a soul.

But now it has all just become too much for me to handle. I have basically been dead my whole life on the inside anyway, the only person who sees the real me is….Well me.

"So I have to do this." James said, putting the gun to his head and he pulled the trigger. And for the first time in years his face wore a real smile…

He was now free.

**Kendall POV**

I was in my bedroom, laying on my bed, where I have been since what happened, lost in my thoughts. Again.

It had been two weeks since we had buried James, and I still couldn't understand why he would do this.

Never in a million years would I have ever imagined burying one of my brothers, at sixteen even. It was too unreal…Like it was one of those horrible nightmares you just can't shake, no matter what.

I was with Carlos and Logan when we heard of James suicide on that horrible night. None of us could contain the sobs that emitted our mouths or the tears that almost instantly starting falling like rain.

And none of us cared to anyway…We lost our best friend.

I remember we all met our first day in kindergarten, and ever since then it has always been the four of us. Always together and never apart.

But now that he is gone and I feel like we are an incomplete set. Like a puzzle that doesn't have all the pieces.

We have all tried to think why he had to do this. Why he thought he had to put up a wall. He always seemed so happy.

I also couldn't understand why he didn't talk to us if he was hurting. We would have been there for him just like he has always been for us. Without a single thought we would have.

I sighed heavily, looking over at the mirror on my wall on the other side of the room, only to see dark rings under my eyes. Showing that I haven't got any sleep for a while.

I have been blaming myself. I am the leader, I should have seen the pain behind the mask he was hiding under….But I didn't and now it was too late.

With that, I got up and I made my way downstairs, to where my family was. They gave me a quick hug when they saw me, knowing where I was going.

I was leaving to go meet the guys at the cemetery. Like I have been for the last two weeks.

Every day since the funeral we would visit James for at least an hour, sometimes more. It brought us comfort, even if a little.

It took me fifteen minutes to reach the cemetery and to James's gravesite. And when I did get there, I saw Carlos and Logan where already there. I made my way over to them, watching as Logan pulled Carlos into a hug. I could tell they had both been crying for some time now.

"Hey Kendall." Carlos said between his sobs.

James death has been hard on all of us, but it hit Carlos hard. Really hard.

James was always doing crazy stuff with Carlos, since Logan and I have had the sense not to. And now he has lost that and the person to do it with.

I said my "hellos" to them both as I joined them by James grave.

"How are you doing today Jamie?" I asked as I traced his name with my finger lightly, as if I pushed too hard the grave would break into a million pieces.

Some people might think it is crazy for three sixteen year old boys to talk to their dead friend's grave, but James was our brother. Maybe not in blood, but in every other way he was. And he always will be.

He had always been a part of our live and just because he is gone does not mean we have to forget him. We could never do that.

We spent the next three hours telling James about our days and how much we missed him.

"I still wish it never had to be this way." Carlos wept.

"Me either buddy." I said as I rubbed his back.

"I am supposed to be the smart one. I should have seen how much pain James was in….I'm a horrible brother." Logan said, voice thick with tears.

"Logie, James had us all fooled. You are not a horrible brother." I said, wrapping my free arm around Logan's shoulder. Trying my best to comfort him.

Logan has been saying that every day since we heard the news about James. It could break the coldest man's heart. It sure did mine. I could tell it did Carlos's too, because he let out a whimper. I pulled Carlos closer at that.

"Then why did he leave us Kendall?" Logan asked with the saddest voice. Sending another crack in my heart.

"I don't know Logie. I guess that all though he loved us, and we loved him… He just thought we would not understand whatever it was he was going through. But now he is in a happier place, where there is no pain." I replied through my own tears.

I just wished he had talked to us, we would have helped him no matter what.

But now we will never know. I just hope wherever he is that he is finally at peace. Oh, I hope he is in peace. With every fiber of my being I do.

Carlos and Logan agreed as they then started making their way home. Leaving me alone at James's gravesite. Which felt weird, but it didn't bother me at all.

Jamie there will always be a hole in our hearts that was once filled by you. You were the face. But you were also so much more. Oh so much more.

You were an amazing singer. An awesome brother who would drop everything for one of his brothers in an instant. No questions asked. You were a talented hockey player, one that could never be replaced.

I am sorry we let you down. I wish we had been the brothers you needed, to help you through your pain. But please, just know we will always love you. Even in death.

I also meant it, about finding your peace. All I ever wanted was for my brothers to be happy. I wish that your happiness had been with us…But I guess it wasn't meant to be. I will be forever sorry for that.

It is weird going from four to three. Like a team without one of the star players, trying to figure out how to make it work. But knowing you never can truly make it.

There are also points in our conversation where an awkward silence will happen, since that is usually when you would speak or make a joke that would have us laughing for hours.

But you're not here anymore.

Then there are times when we are hanging out and one of us will go to call you to join us only to realize our mistake. And that would make us break down in tears, wishing that the next time we would try…you would pick up. Knowing in our hearts, you won't.

Hockey isn't the same without you either, it had always been the four of ours favorite sport, something we always did together for fun.

But without you it is no longer fun, and that is why we left the team a week ago. It hurt too much to be there without you.

"It is getting late and before I head home I just want to say we will always love you James. See you tomorrow buddy."

I traced his name one more time before heading back home. With a heavy heart and a single tear running down my face.

A tear that was caused by losing one of the greatest people on earth…My best friend James Diamond.

**Authors note**

So here is my second one-shot. How did I do?


End file.
